Seattle, WA
20 January 2024 :: iPhone 14 Pro Max :: f/2.2 1/60s :: ISO-200

Dear Stranger;

I don't have much to report this week other than I'd like to report my weekend as missing. Where did all the time go? I did play my first concert using electronic sheet music so I think I have it figured out, which is nice. The battery lasts long enough and in case I need it, I do have a back-up to charge on the fly.

Other than that, I'm almost done working on a few reels and vids, getting ready to close out the 2023 backlog and begin working on the 2024 ideas. Can't wait, but I also don't want to completely throw away all of the effort spent (and opportunities to learn) with these 2023 vids, so they're still trickling in.

I don't know how to explain this urge to create, though, because it's an itch I can't get rid of.

Oh yeah that's right, got bracelets to make. Language lessons to and stuff, too.

Whatchu workin' on?

Magically,
-j

Seattle, WA
14 January 2024 :: iPhone 14 Pro Max :: f/2.2 1/60s :: ISO-1000

Dear Stranger;

I'm struggling with photography again. It's because I've got a new camera and it shoots on instant film (so I have to be really thoughtful and deliberate about my shots) and I'm not quite fully understanding the way it meters for exposure yet. I know it will meter for the shadows, but what does that mean? It's like a lot of things people will say–I can think of so many possible meanings that it's sometimes hard for me to narrow down on a guess and, like film, sometimes people don't care or have no interest or have no capacity to have interest in the other possibilities that I was thinking about.

I mean, it could have been one of the other possibilities I was thinking of, but this is where good old patience and empathy step in–but even then that might not be in the picture, so things can sometimes stay challenging.

I don't have all of the solutions in that kind of scenario, so we just continue to do our best and keep trying. Step away when it's overwhelming, come back when we're feeling ready. Yet again, photography does that thing where it also becomes some kind of metaphor for living.

Admittedly, I do feel alive right now, even though I eventually botched the exposure. (Looked good in the viewfinder, at least.)

I've just realised in May there are going to be a few things happening that seem so fitting for the month. Anything you're excited about that's coming up?

Magically,
-j

Seattle, WA
8 January 2024 :: iPhone 14 Pro Max :: f/1.78 1/29s :: ISO-1250

Dear Stranger;

I'm a week into the new year and a week behind on continuing my language journey and yet I'm feeling more and more okay with bouncing around from hobby to hobby to suit mood or free time. It does leave things in progress a lot, but I know I will always come back to finish it when I'm ready.

Unless it's cooking. Then I make sure it's completed so I can eat.

Today, I revisited snail mail (and by that I mean writing...New Year's cards because I'm so on top of things like that) and thinking about whether or not I can take one of these instant cameras with me on my trip in a few months–and how I would accomplish that.

But first, trying to re-shift my sleep schedule to something a little more sane.

Say something nice about yourself in the comments! It's a place for you to shine if you need one.

Magically,
-j

Seattle, WA
1 January 2024 :: G10 :: f/4.5 2s :: ISO-200

Dear Stranger;

It's here. The New Year. I hope yours is off to a wonderful start, and that you have hopes and dreams big enough to give you that healthy kind of discomfort where you grow just a little bit, and then grow some more later. Stretch a piece of dough too fast it can break, but if you work it gradually and thoughtfully, you'll have a pizza the size of your face in no time–and always remember: any pizza can be a personal pizza if you want it to be. Any pizza.

This might not be the year of good advice for me.

I'm excited for this year, but also am terrified and motivated all at the same time; I'm a mixed bag of emotions leaving 2023 feeling like there were a few missed opportunities but even while in 2023 I feel like I've been setting myself up to make 2024 a year of redemption. Technically this is Ticketmaster's fault, but I'm not going to let that stop me, even if it's going to take a lot more work to make this happen.

2024, I'm on it. I hope it's off to a good start for you, however you're imagining it to be–dream those impossible dreams.

What are you excited or hopeful for this coming year?

Magically,
-j

Seattle, WA
25 December 2023 :: Polaroid SX-70 :: (Automatic Exposure, Exposure Compensation Set to Full Dark) :: ISO-600 (Without ND Filter)

Dear Stranger;

I needed to take a break from snail mailing, like over a year, and, well, typing things up in here to explore some of the other desires I've been having–and they're all rooted in the act of creating, which has been a recurring theme in my life, but some how it's hit stronger these past years than it ever has. Then came all of the work. The overtime. The burnout. Everything that comes from that whole work-life imbalance caused by your friends getting promoted, colleagues exploring pathways that will lead them to career growth, and the holding down the fort that comes along with it. Just to be clear, though, in all of this comes the opportunity to mentor new hires and set them on their own path of success; it's an opportunity for me to teach, but to also be challenged in its own right, and that's where a lot of my job satisfaction is coming from these days, but the only cost right now (I'm aware, while it's a prolonged "season," I also know it's only temporary.) The byproduct of this has been having to be very intentional about where I'm spending my time and energy, and right now I really want to dig into storytelling. Like a lot.

What does this mean moving forward? I don't know, and I think that's what's making me both edgy and excited at the same time–holding two realities opposed and letting them exist in the same space. It seems volatile on one hand, yet absolutely free on the other, and that's the beauty of it. What I do know is I still need to work to pay off my last relationship (this year I've accepted that this will be the case for the next few years), I will still call airplanes I've helped certify "my children," and I will still be working to get myself back in the sky as a pilot. There's more, I just can't remember it all.

Today, however, I'm trying to absorb as much as I can, and am working to continue to shed toxicities and dead weight that have been weighing me down all these years.

Magically,
-j

Seattle, WA
19 May 2023 :: iPhone 14 Pro Max :: f/2.2 1/1642s :: ISO-50

Dear Stranger;

I think in the past two years or so I was seeking some kind of connection so hard that I forgot to feed the itch to create and make things, so now that the pendulum has swung back in that direction, I'm finding it's swung really far back in that make/create direction. I haven't written a letter proper or even a postcard in years and while I'm sure it can look like I've given up to some, in all honesty, I've sat with pen in hand and stared at a blank sheet for a good 30 minutes before saying, it's not feeling quite right. I mean, it sounds distressing, but honestly, I think it's more a sign that it's not yet the time to come back–there's still more to create, and more to do, and maybe that's what'll feed what's more to write for any future letters.

Something I like to tell people is to watch out for the "shoulds" they tell themselves, because they sometimes they can lead us astray for whatever reason and maybe this is what I need to be telling myself for the time being.

There's more to make, and there's more to create.

Brb, I suppose.

Magically,
-j

Seattle, WA
8 May 2023 :: iPhone 14 Pro Max :: f/2.275 1/875s :: ISO-40

Dear Stranger;

21 years ago I was bored out of my mind after a long night in the machine shop at school and I signed up for Xanga. This one. I haven't been writing in this as much as I said I would (I mean, life, you know?), but I think it's worth pointing out that while in December, my career here in Washington will be old enough to vote, my Xanga, today, is now old enough to legally purchase and consume alcohol.

So, uh...cheers?

Much to do, much to update, but that'll come in due time. For now, good night. How are you?

Magically,
-j

Seattle, WA
11 February 2023 :: iPhone 14 Pro Max :: f/2.2 1/58s :: ISO-400

Dear Stranger;

There has been a part of me that's been feeling trapped in my own thoughts, and sure, that's a bit unhealthy if left unchecked, but I am clawing my way through it with a little help–breaking free and trying more of the things I had always wanted to try. There's no shame in getting or even asking for a little help on some things, I've learned, because the friends that do care will not hold that against you. I think the past few months have been a bit of a revelation, sometimes predictable, sometimes a bit painful, but I think that's why they call it "growing pains."

(Please forgive me while I vaguebook or vagueblog or whatever the hell it's supposed to be, but I'm trying to make sure the overall concepts are solid.)

Even at this age I'm finding so much room to grow, maybe even more so now that I'm that much more wise. I can shed what causes pain, heal the openings they leave, and look up and ahead to the next adventure. I can also bring with me the knowledge and all of the stuff that works and helps me thrive–I'm finding more and more opportunities to take control of what I can so I can navigate my way through the next year. I'm finding I'm being much more intentional and that means I'm being much more intentional about my gratitude–especially with the friendships that have been around all these years. Patient ones. Caring ones. Curious ones.

I'm still expressing it just as often, but on the inside I'm saying it with much more focus. Because I know how much I mean it and it's okay if others might not see it or struggle to see it. I can keep trying, I can keep on being grateful, and if it's just not going to work, I can navigate elsewhere.

It's that last part that makes me so grateful for what I have today.

What are you grateful for?

Magically,
-j

Noodles for long life? Check.

Seattle, WA
15 February 2023 :: iPhone 14 Pro Max :: f/2.2 1/600s :: ISO-40

Seattle, WA
8 May 2022 :: iPhone 12 Pro Max :: f/2.4 1/262s :: ISO-25

Dear Stranger;

I'm going to steal from the Instagram post I just made to acknowledge that as I walk about this city, I've witnessed over a decade of change, but I'm also witnessing this change as a different person from whom I was over a decade ago. To now take that and put it in the context of this Xanga, all I can say is that it's...really cringeworthy but also really powerful to poke at the history of what the hell I was thinking over the now twenty years I've been typing here.

It's wild to think that if this thing were human, it could legally drive, vote, and, if it so wanted, choose to earn a pilot certificate. This Xanga is older than some of my most dear friendships that came from this online community–when stranger danger was (I mean, let's face it: it still is) very real–and is also older than MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and some would argue Xanga itself. Yet here I am, trying to make sure I type something out at a few key dates of the year, not always making that goal, but always managing to (I think) type one entry a year just to keep this going. You can call me crazy, but at the time I started this, there was a free version and a premium version and for a while they had a lifetime option for $99 so when I got my first job out of college, you better believe I hopped on that train and paid my $99, so you better believe I'm milking it for all it's worth.

Admittedly, I'm not completely joking when I say that, because this is probably going to be the most comprehensive history that I'll have of myself, and it's somewhat the most authentic way (I feel) of documenting not just the fact that I existed, but how I chose to exist. It's hard when someone else is telling your story, because we all own our respective stories, but we're not exactly the most accurate storyteller of others–and yet this is basically what we do (and have to do) day-in and day-out with everyone we come across. (The reference to the act of doing this Derek DelGaudio makes in his show "In & Of Itself" has been a meaningful analogy to this that has given me quite a bit to think about over the years. Highly recommend watching it–it's on Hulu.) We do, however, have to tell each other's stories–because we have to tell them to ourselves, in a way, and we have to take things we know about this person, and things we have to assume at the time (parts that are fabricated) to form a picture that is real enough for us to see this person.

Heavy, I know, but that's pretty much what happened here. Heavy discovery. I let myself be influenced by the people with whom I was in contact at the time (contact starting to develop a very interesting definition and irony based on the new and emerging forms of contact in this year of 2022) and I also put down some really honest thoughts–flaws and everything.

So, here's to more years of typing in this thing, telling people that I still write in my Xanga (for those that can still remember what one was), and letting them decide if I'm serious or not. It's fun to observe–and I've yet to see if anyone that thinks I'm joking has ever made it to actually check and see if I'm serious or not.

And yes, I still love and am fascinated by the concept of hiding things in plain sight.

What's new in your world?

Magically,
-j

Seattle, WA
5 March 2022 :: Canon EOS 600D (Rebel T3i) :: f/2.8 1h 49m total integration :: ISO-800

Dear Stranger;

Lately these sessions have been really exciting–standing (mostly) alone in the cold, near the water, with a camera pointing at the sky like a giant bucket collecting tiny droplets of light hoping to collect enough to make into an image. It's a lot of quiet time and all, but you know what, it recharges my introverted soul. It's interesting because back when I shot on film, it was 1.) horrendously expensive, and 2.) it took a while to get the results back.

These days, with astrophotography, that time between capture and turning the roll in to get developed is a lot like the time spent waiting for the stacking software to finish its routine. I've also noticed how much spending time recharging (whether it be through astrophotography or just creating something) works wonders for the next day or two following. As a result, I've been trying to make room for that in my life, and that means giving other things a pause (like snail mail), but it's worth noting that I'm not completely getting rid of that, I'm just taking a break so I can come back with fresh eyes and a bit of a more intentional approach when I write to someone.

Other than that, Orion is starting to sit lower and lower in the sky as the days move toward summer so I think I might have to say goodbye in the next week or two and start looking for galaxies. All of the popular astrophotography creators I look up to are starting to say things like "it's galaxy season!" so I think it might be time to figure out what my Spring target wish list is going to look like...

Oh yeah, I should probably iron my tux shirt, too. I have a concert tomorrow, don't I.

What's something that's filling your cup lately?

Magically,
-j