Thursday :: 5 August 2021
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holy.ghosts
Seattle, WA
19 May 2021 :: iPhone 12 Pro Max :: f/2.2 1/120s :: ISO-100Dear Stranger;
If there's anything I've learned over the past few months it's the importance of boundaries (healthy ones) and to be smarter about the generosity that I have to give. There was a part of me that thought it had to be without bounds but I've realised that a large contribution to that viewpoint is a matter of perception and practicality, but that's not really the big lesson I found myself learning.
The big lesson I've learned is that it's given me a better understanding of what is fair to expect from others and how to decide upon what that can look like for me. It's allowed me to better understand who is a close friend, who appreciates me and the unique ways they do, and with what I know to do with empathy, have a good idea of how I could be seen (this will never be definite, but also this gives me confidence in finding peace of mind), and more realistically process that in a way that makes sure I'm still intact instead of steamrolled. Or to stop giving chances to people that ghost you multiple times. Be generous, but don't let your generosity be wasted.
Side note: lately, because I'm a bit twisted, I've been having "fun" with ghosts by being polite and respectful and thanking them for the time, for taking a chance on me, and also that I'm letting them know that I'm moving on after about a month of unresponsiveness–and then I move on. The "fun" comes from the observation that, interestingly, doing so usually gets a swift response but, armed with grace and respect for myself, I am able to proceed with the self permission to actually move on–that I responded with genuine respect and gratitude. That's a very important part of why this works; don't fake it (it's not worth faking it), really mean it by really finding a place of gratefulness and respect in doing so. It's a bit of a mind hack I've had to do for myself as not only does it give me closure, it gives me peace of mind knowing I've done my part, I've given them more than a reasonable chance and in doing so, lets me set my gaze forward to the next opportunity and gives me the self respect for my time that I deserve. And no, I don't respond back when they reply because, as I've notified them, I'm moving on. It's important to do that because that was the point, you know?
This works for me because I found myself not really feeling respected and I would struggle to move forward and it would often put me in dilemmas of trying to move forward with new opportunities but also trying to suddenly accommodate the past and it would get...stressful. And it didn't have to be. It wasn't fun to be treated that way, either.
Again, be generous, but don't let too much of your generosity be wasted.
As a result, all of this has also given me a much better appreciation for the friendships and relationships that I do have with others.
I think the only issue with this deeper appreciation I can see is that when I say, "thanks so much for your friendship" or something, I'll mean it more than ever...but I'll also I'll likely end up expressing my gratitude more often, too.
What's something you've learned or are maybe working on?
Magically,
-j
