Snoqualmie Pass, WA
15 August 2021 :: Canon 550D :: f/2 2hr. 6min. integration :: ISO-800

Dear Stranger;

I was burning up vacation and I've realised I've been at my job for so long (you know, the one where I bang my head on my desk and airplanes that take you all over the world come out?) that I accrue vacation time faster than I've been using it. So a weekend or two ago, I decided on the spur of the moment to head out to my favourite dark sky spot and try a few things I wanted to try after self-critiquing and watching more how to vids regarding my earlier attempts at the North American Nebula (NGC 7000 for you fellow nerds out there). Granted this time around I was ready to start collecting data much faster than before, set up my tripod in a much more efficient and accessible manner and the usable frames were more in abundance than last time, so everything I had jotted down in my notes did yield improvements, but I only used about 2/3 of the frames I collected.

Because I forgot about composition.

See, the first 1/3 of the data I collected had the actual nebula framed to the far right of the frame, not really giving me much margin at my current beginner skill level. I forgot that when composing my shot it was important to imagine where the nebula was relative to the stars I was using as a reference (Deneb and surrounding stars that "cradled" the nebula) because typically it's not really visible through the viewfinder. Instead, my artsy instincts took over and I composed based on what I could see through the viewfinder and, well, I ended up learning something.

What's funny is that there really wasn't much to see, so I'm not sure what on earth I was thinking, so...

But I digress. What I found funny, after realising this part-way through the night, was that this really seems to be like a really good parallel to life (only killed 1.5 hours so next time I have my act together, I'll be able to get 3 hours of data at a time!). We learn, we screw up, we learn some more. We get better. Lather, rinse, repeat.

That's it. That's where I was going with this.

Fun-snarky aside, I'm trying to accept this cycle of mistake, learning, and improvement as something that is what my life should be (because it is) as opposed to this obsession with striving for crippling perfection because that's what was beat into me (not literally) during my childhood. There are places for this need to minimise risk and mistakes (commercial airplanes, for example), but one might be surprised at all the other places in life (and even to some limited degree in commercial airplanes) that imperfection can be acceptable. That's why we build-in tolerances in the things we engineer, work on resilience in ourselves with our therapist, all that stuff.

And that's my ongoing journey, really, and it's been a lot tougher to accept than I originally thought because in doing so comes a lot of discomfort early on, but if you take a look at where you are and from where you've come, all that work is yours. You can see progress–and don't forget to give yourself the permission to take credit for the hard work you've done.

This is my third try at this nebula since my first attempt in June. I've improved my setup routine, how I shoot my light frames, and changed how I stack and process the photos (mainly by using the software packages that I was afraid to use because they looked intimidating on the vids I watched). Little by little, though, we can learn where to focus our efforts, what we see, and really pay attention to the important things and then things really start to come out.

In a way, everything can probably be made into an analogy for life, I know. And you know what? I really like that.

What's new with you?

Magically,
-j

(Video from this session is here: https://youtu.be/ux1cNhfw0CY)

Seattle, WA
19 May 2021 :: iPhone 12 Pro Max :: f/2.2 1/120s :: ISO-100

Dear Stranger;

If there's anything I've learned over the past few months it's the importance of boundaries (healthy ones) and to be smarter about the generosity that I have to give. There was a part of me that thought it had to be without bounds but I've realised that a large contribution to that viewpoint is a matter of perception and practicality, but that's not really the big lesson I found myself learning.

The big lesson I've learned is that it's given me a better understanding of what is fair to expect from others and how to decide upon what that can look like for me. It's allowed me to better understand who is a close friend, who appreciates me and the unique ways they do, and with what I know to do with empathy, have a good idea of how I could be seen (this will never be definite, but also this gives me confidence in finding peace of mind), and more realistically process that in a way that makes sure I'm still intact instead of steamrolled. Or to stop giving chances to people that ghost you multiple times. Be generous, but don't let your generosity be wasted.

Side note: lately, because I'm a bit twisted, I've been having "fun" with ghosts by being polite and respectful and thanking them for the time, for taking a chance on me, and also that I'm letting them know that I'm moving on after about a month of unresponsiveness–and then I move on. The "fun" comes from the observation that, interestingly, doing so usually gets a swift response but, armed with grace and respect for myself, I am able to proceed with the self permission to actually move on–that I responded with genuine respect and gratitude. That's a very important part of why this works; don't fake it (it's not worth faking it), really mean it by really finding a place of gratefulness and respect in doing so. It's a bit of a mind hack I've had to do for myself as not only does it give me closure, it gives me peace of mind knowing I've done my part, I've given them more than a reasonable chance and in doing so, lets me set my gaze forward to the next opportunity and gives me the self respect for my time that I deserve. And no, I don't respond back when they reply because, as I've notified them, I'm moving on. It's important to do that because that was the point, you know?

This works for me because I found myself not really feeling respected and I would struggle to move forward and it would often put me in dilemmas of trying to move forward with new opportunities but also trying to suddenly accommodate the past and it would get...stressful. And it didn't have to be. It wasn't fun to be treated that way, either.

Again, be generous, but don't let too much of your generosity be wasted.

As a result, all of this has also given me a much better appreciation for the friendships and relationships that I do have with others.

I think the only issue with this deeper appreciation I can see is that when I say, "thanks so much for your friendship" or something, I'll mean it more than ever...but I'll also I'll likely end up expressing my gratitude more often, too.

What's something you've learned or are maybe working on?

Magically,
-j