obtuse.focus
everett, wa
25 november 2009 - g10, f/4 0.8s, iso-400

sometimes things aren't clear, especially when you're told one thing and then you are yelled at for doing it, when you confide only to a blog because nobody else seems to want to listen, when you thought you were seeing what you were seeing when maybe to someone else it wasn't.

life is so confusing, sometimes so conflicting, but we must find the strength to move forward. but sometimes, it's hard, especially when you're reprimanded for only following instructions or, frankly, for not doing anything at all to exacerbate the situation.

life is an endless puzzle that may or may not ever be solved. but in the meantime, we must try and understand things from every point of view we can, and we must continue to seek those that are willing to understand things from our point of view so that the understanding is not one-sided, but mutual.

because we should never have to go through life alone.

life was meant to be shared.

keep the faith, stranger-friends, for whatever your dreams.

hope :)

~ = ~

after snowboarding all day, my muscles are telling me i should chill for a minute. but boy was it chilly up on the mountain!

~ = ~

yesterday, i must confess, i purchased the book "up in the air." i can't tell you how creepy it is--i've never connected with a movie to this degree. it's a good film and i do highly recommend it. it has struck a chord like no other; i haven't been able to relate to a film like this ever. and i mean it.

but i'm not going to start it until i finally finish this damn book 'blink'. it's been across the atlantic way too many times and i just need to hole-up and finish it.

always.love
-j

shoe.step
lucerne, switzerland
14 march 2009 - eos-1ds mk1, f/4 1/1000s, iso-50

privacy is something people seem to live with, i've come to learn. it's difficult to judge what is top secret and what can be released to the world when you're not given any clues but perhaps that's just a sign we need a little more insight. a step into someone's shoes to take a look around. understand. that's part of what life is about, right? understanding.

there have been movies in which i have become enthusiastic as they seem to be accurate reflections of my life. there are movies about people that are on the move, there are movies about people travelling to exotic locations, and there are even movies about love and the people who love the little mysteries of everyday people who just want to do good things for others--like taking pictures of someone's gnome at landmarks all over the world in hopes that it may inspire its owner to do some exploring of their own.

inspiration is what got us where we are, right? i digress.

among these movies that i considered accurate reflections of my life, they have always accentuated the fascinating and the spectacular. they have bounced from country to country or feature some orchestra musician looking for a little bit of purpose, but largely they are biased.

do you ever get this feeling?

have you ever felt like a movie really describes your life? how would you describe it? positively, of course. you always want to put your best foot forward.

how about a movie that not only covers the fascinating aspects of your life but also reveals the not-so-fantastic: the barren single-occupant living quarters. picking up your bag at the baggage claim and meandering through couples and families welcoming home their loved ones as you slip through the skybridge and find your parked car. your travel routine is so polished that travelling with others is as foreign as esperanto. or the nights on business travel spent eating at a table for one because you were either travelling alone or felt strongly against being mis-associated with the negative stereotypes of the typical foreign traveller or your colleagues? would you put those into the movie?

would you include the unpleasant discoveries? how about the loneliness? would those make it?

chances are, we pick movies or enthusiastically recommend movies about our lives that depict it in the most flawless condition we can find--when the lovers do come together in the end and share a kiss, when the lost are found, when the underdogs come from behind.

tonight i saw 'up in the air'. the new george clooney film. this film is my life story. the experiences, the philosophies, the circumstances, the emptiness, and the brief almost-could-have-been sparks of hope are all there. would you like to see my life from my shoes? see this film.



~ = ~

as i watched, i noticed many familiar places and airports. dear shutterbugged; that night we met in columbus, i stayed at the columbus airport hampton inn--the same one that is seen in this film.



~ = ~

while this film may be the most accurate depiction of the way my life has been that i've come across to date, what no film can or will ever predict is the ending. and to that, my dear friends, i am able to say i have not written. yet. :)

what movies describe your life the best?

always.love
-j

jet.space
paris, france
28 octobre 2009 - g10, f/2.8 1/60s, iso-100

in all of the travels, letters, crafted pieces of mail, and what i think is the current state of my life, if i were to find a music video that would encompass as much of me as possible, it'd be this one by lisa hannigan:



from the scissors to the suitcase, the papers too, even right down to the lyrics themselves, i find so many things to be perfect about this. i love it :)

a friend posted a special version type of video of this song not too long ago in response to a dreary and depressing day--to keep the spirits up, and when i watched it, the voice and music sounded terribly familiar. as it turns out, i did see her perform live when she opened for david gray on the 5th of november :)

sort of tells me that if you dig deep enough, you can connect most anything (if you really really want).

i do hope this vid makes you happy too :) you'll have to thank my friend in london (and if you don't, quietly i already am :)

spread the love, yes :)

~ = ~

saw 'coco avant chanel' this evening; feeding my addiction to french films. i don't know what it is, but there's something about french films that captivate me. maybe it's the language; i'm not so sure...

yet there's still so many other movies i want to see. oh, time.

~ = ~

how are you today?

always.love
-j

chaotic.chords
seattle, wa
15 november 2009 - g10, f/2.8 1/50s, iso-400

under the hot streams of light is the warm glow of briefly silent tonewoods, resonating to the nearby notes of a practising trombone player. this instrument is very much alive, even when out of the hands of its player and this buzz could be felt in the air among all of the musicians today. it was an all-french programme, with lesser-known works of debussy and ravel being anchored by ravel's piano concerto and boléro.

at the end of the concert, when the last note of boléro resonated in the concert hall, when the applause finally faded and people headed to the lobby to meet the musicians or to head to their cars, it was good to linger briefly on the stage and soak everything in.

it's good to start the season on a high. :)

~ = ~

music, like airplanes, is arguably as big of a part of my life. although music needed a little bit of a nudge, but we'll save that story for later. for now, it was good to end the concert on such a good feeling and after taking myself to celebrate over good indian cuisine (they treat me so well at that restaurant), i'm still coming down from that high and am excited to work on the next concert.

stranger-friends: if you're ever in seattle, come join me for some music and good food, yes? :)

in a week that's been filled with good concerts, good airplanes, and other good things, it's just hard to beat ending it with a performance like that. it was definitely a good weekend and i do hope you've been able to enjoy one yourself :)

always.love
-j

morning.sky
le plessis-trévise, france
26 octobre 2009 - g10, f/2.8 1/200s, iso-80

i look to the sky when i travel, i think about moments. for instance, at a particular moment, i am on my way to work somewhere in france but thousands of miles away a friend is just starting to lay their head softly in dreams after studying or doing homework or resting after a performance of 'the scarlet pimpernel'. during these moments i realise just how far apart we can be--in distance and in time and i yearn to at least be close by staying up a few hours, chatting on the computer, hoping to send some assurance that yes, while we're far away, i'm still there. still thinking of you.

still missing you.

~ = ~

i may be sleepless in seattle, but i'm sending good thoughts, wishful thoughts, breathless thoughts of good times and good memories. hoping the best, yes. hoping that in the distance, a smile might be on their face. we always wish to be in someone's thoughts but we can't expect this. nevertheless, it never hurts to hope sometimes. i think. yes? :)

~ = ~

dear stranger-friends, have you ever missed a friend this much? i don't think i've ever, but as with many things in life, there always seems to be a first time for everything. and this one, i accept and i embrace. it does make me happy to know that the heart really can love as much as it does. and this.heart is definitely pumping only love through these veins.

please, don't worry, i think this is a good and necessary part of life. i've always said this, appreciating these moments in such a way they help us better embrace the happiest of times--making sure we squeeze each deserved ounce of joy when we can. we shouldn't waste happiness, and i think these moments of missing someone help us make sure we don't get too careless.

always.love
-j

autumn.warmth
seattle, wa
17 october 2009 - g10, f/2.8 1/8s, iso-200

it's that time of year here in seattle when we shift from summer sun to perhaps a more heart-warmed sort of love. the weather drives our hearts to look within and find warmth in cups of coffee or hot cocoa--the cups that aren't held by one hand but gently lifted with two. as if to give it some sort of cuppy love as we bring it to our lips.

i think there's a trick to loving seattle in the rainy months, and part of it involves falling in love with the rain itself. it's rhythm, that's for sure, and it always gives me a sense of cleansing whenever it falls. yes, it drives activities indoors--likewise inward as we peer into our hearts and write letters while sitting on window seats looking out onto the sidewalk. as we sip these beverages the mountains fill with snow and sooner or later we build the excitement as snowboarding season starts. off the mountain, the rain signifies the thinking and self-assessment season. this is but one of many ways we grow, i think, and for me it's also something to look forward to.

because having something to look forward to in the rainy months completes the season circle--there's always something to look forward to in this life. and that, i think, isn't such a bad deal :)

there are a lot of things to love about seattle in the off-summer months, and maybe it's just that it's much more fun with someone's hand to double-jump into the puddle beneath orange-yellow coloured leaves.

dear stranger-friend: come with me, yes? :)

~ = ~

a week ago, while in france, i was listening to music on my ipod as i worked and worked, and when a song came up i snap-thought about an idea--a memory box care package of sorts to send to someone. naturally, it would be a shoebox of photographs. throughout this week my fingers buzzed through folders and folders of pictures, building on a memory that perhaps all of the emotion and happiness could be captured in twenty or so lyricised images.

and that said, i sent a shoebox in the mail today. filled with photographs. (and maybe a picture of sepia-toned lovin' :)

i worry sometimes that people might not like what they get in the mail...but it is worth the chance; there is only one way to find out and it is to send it along, yes :)

~ = ~

hello, november :)

i am perhaps sentimental to a fault, remembering things or details that most would just pass as inconsequential (blame the hopeless romantic in me). sometimes people will label me as trite or clingy, and while the only reason i hang onto these memories is for the buzz and smile of happiness, i think this making of even the small things important makes life that much more significant with each little added meaning. without these little elements of importance, perhaps life could be dangerously meaningless and perhaps even bland.

when i hear that something reaches a point of going through the motions just to make someone happy, the thought that such a situation could be possible let alone considered acceptable scares me. to think that people would be willing to accept something that isn't too special but just works is a bit worrisome and maybe it's this part that inspires me to prove that yes, life can be so much more than that. life shouldn't be a mere formality, ticking through checkpoints and milestones only to be knowingly stuck and knowingly accepting something a bit mediocre. the trick is finding someone that'll give you a chance to prove you're not like that. finding someone that'll give you the chance to prove you're different from the rest and that perhaps a chance is very well worth it.

perhaps i've been dwelling on this but lately i've been feeling like i deserve a chance to prove to someone that life doesn't have to be so hum-drum. am i crazy? perhaps.

throughout this life of mine i've been taught by my parents and by my experience to help build odds that are definitely in the mutual favour that would include another and to never lose the will to grow--to continually discover new things about each other and to keep learning. even if it seems like it's a small thing, that learning should never ever stop. because without learning we can't really establish meaning and once again, we risk living meaningless lives.

what can i do to keep making myself better--to make someone absolutely sure that yes, they do want to take my hand and we can both go on an adventure of discovering each other and the world around us? i want to know this and to continue developing this. i have something to prove, yes, and it's to prove that i'm just here, hoping for a chance to make someone happy :) i've come closer each time in the few times i've been able, and i learn something new that makes me even more ready each time.

i think about this a lot, and maybe some would argue obssessively, but it's life, right? there's no escaping life, and i have this hunger for learning, and for me the everest of this learning would be the privilege to learn about someone else. you know? i just want to make this world oh so beautiful.

that said, please, whatever you do, don't ever stop learning. :)

and of course, always, always,

always.love
-j

(if anyone is willing to teach me about hockey, i'm willing to learn. do hit me up :)

love.blue
paris, france
27 october 2009 - g10, f/2.8 1s, iso-400

make no mistake where we stand, where we may set our feet and see with our eyes. paris is a city that was made for love--everything is memorable, from the metro stop where you alighted the first time you saw this marvellous tower, to the man making crêpes on the sidewalk. i have a friend who has a story of meeting their husband here, and while i've yet to hear the whole story, i know there's more where that came from and i smile to think that it probably just happened again tonight. somewhere. with someone (well, two).

it could be any one of us, really. even me :)

but today, nothing. we try to call from the top, hoping, wishing, willing that there might be someone to pick up and share in the moment but with patience that someone will be there. there is hope, and even if we have to keep transmitting love from the highest points all over this world's cities, we have to keep doing it. someone has to be receiving it out there, yes, and it's good to know that perhaps that really is happening.

paris, je t'aime :)

i'll be back, oui, and one of these times, i won't be alone :)

hope, my dear stranger-friends, is a word i carry in my heart.

~ = ~

in the past week i had amassed over 80 hours of work, sprinting for a goal of just a few hours' free time, and on the very last day everything finally finished and soon i found myself making a dash from the office to the hotel and then to the metro. i had a monument to visit. to reconnect with. to fall in love with the same as i did the first time last summer.

it's hard to explain just how beautiful this city is and i just want to share it. and keep sharing it. keep coming back. falling in love all over again. and i'll keep coming back just to fall in love, and i'll take people with me if i have to. i really, really love this city.

but, oh, i guess i do love a lot of cities.

bir-hakeim. 6th line. green metro. yes, yes, take me there. (take my hand and come with me :)

from paris...

always.love
-j